6 weeks in 6 SIR...

Time files very fast... im in 6 SIR for 6 weeks liao... still remember the first week is the hardest for me to pull though as a lot of people i dont know... but now most of them we start to chat together le...

6 weeks past but my pace dun seem like have been chasing up with them... wat the reason behind? have i not been pushing myself or i juz barely cant catch up... i've been trying very hard nt to fall out from the training but recently i started to vomit again... do not know why... not oni vomitting but oso chest pain... when doing nth i will oso feel the chest is in pain... do my health really in red light??? i do not know n dont wish to know...

in 6 SIR i find myself a lots of friend n a few buddies... which i find tat it nt tat bad after all... got them i have the motivation to carry on... they are juz like some of my BMT gd buddies... some seagent over there oso a bit like my BMT seagent... hahaz...

sometimes will always still have a lots of flashback in mind abt BMT things... it like really missed those dae so much tat i wan to get back into time... which i know is impossible... but memory will always b there as we been though those things together... hope to meet up with my BMT mates again... =P

BBQ with my platoon... =P

Now is to the last few daes before we POP... our beloved segeants and sir had come to the BBQ session that we set... tonight is the most fun night tat i ever had ever since i entered BMT... in BMT i was quite stress over most of the things and didnt really have much fun... oni inside our bunk when we have coy admin then there will have some fun n interesting thing happen...

last night didnt really expect that sir justin and both segeant khairul and fazli know my name... haha... as i was quite low profile in my platoon... the oni time i was high profile is during the road march coz i will keep on vomitting... dont ask me y as i wish to know too... i really have a great time with my segeant... this is the first time tat i can talk to segeant so causal... as i dun really like to treat my superior as my friend much... it will b quite stressful... coz is like later i go inside i will talk to them so causal again n seem like nt giving them any respect...

a lot of things i didnt expect all happened yesterdae... nw i sae another didnt expect... i really didnt expect that segeant fazli can play till so fierce... so mad n so wild... haha... he go n put his hand with cake n put on ppl face... hahahaz... i was kenna the face by him... wahahaz... i tried my best to run even till my slipper spolit but still cant escape the fate... haha... anyway i had alot of fun with this batch of friends n segeants/superior... my BMT life is coming to an end... soon will b post to unit... n i do not know whether my new unit friends will be like anot... juz hope that the rest will b doing fine after BMT n keep in contact... =P

3 weeks in BMT

So fast... 3 weeks had past ever since i entered NS... i now left with 12 weeks of BMT... Still remember the first day entered to tekong i feel so uncomfortable as no one i kNow in the same place with me... so worry whether i can mix well with my new friends...
During the first day, after sending my parents we were being send to a shade to sit down and all the people there i do not know... we was being told to sit down wait till all the people come den go...

After that we shift to another place/shade to collect our NS stuffs... like bag... field bag and other things... den we was being bring to a gym to try out our clothing... this is really my first time to change clothes in front of some many ppl somehow or rather i feel awarked... but do not have a choice... after tat at night we was being posted to one of the platoon and room... but we were being told tat it was tempoary... during the first night i oni know one of my bunk mate named jie lun... coz his name is the same as a singer so easy to remember...
After tat... i went to toilet when i came back i saw the other guy sleeping next bed to me helped me to put the bedsheet and pillow case from there i know his name meng seng... the next day, as we waiting for more ppl to enlist to our company therefore we are quite slack... one whole day is eat and rest... but for my bunk, we do not waste our time... we plaY ultimate number... who lose who will do 3 pushups... we oso increase the punishment to 5 and 10 respectively... it was so fun... even i juz have one day with them but i will forever remember tat day... 8th june... from there i know wee chong, IAN, jack, guang ye, jia hao, chun hui, fiq, jul... however, at night we have to say goodbye... all was splited into different platoon... sad... before tat i already got some instinct telling me tat we might split... so i request for their number... the oni thing i didnt manage to get is the msn... haiz...

As for me after the spliting i stay in the same bunk tat i stay 1 day ago but all bunk mate are different people already... i even count wrong bed and put my bedsheet wrongly on the other bed... hahaz... such a embrassment thing... hahaz... so far the training is ok... n still can cope... bunk mates n platoon mates still okie... didnt have much problem... nw i was down with sickness... hope will recover soon...

start of a new life...

Today, thought that will have some exercises to do but to my surprise we didn’t do anything. It is a very sad thing for me as I want to let my dear Jess to see my difference. Actually, she not my dear also lah… she is just someone I like. Start to miss her liao… haiz… anyway, today I had talked a lot with my bunk mate and I feel like I understand them better.

Together there are 11 people in the bunk including me, the rest are Ian, Jie lin, Jack, chun hui, Jul, Fiq, jia hao, guang ye, wee chong and Meng seng. To my impression both meng seng and wee chong looked very ah beng but there are quite easy going and fun loving. I still remember we played ultimate number. Due to the fact that we one whole day eat sleep and fall in plus water parade we worry that we will get fatter instead of sliming down so we come out with the punishment of doing push up for the ultimate number game. First from starting of 3 push ups onwards we increased to 5 push ups. =P haha… guang ye did the most push ups. It was so fun that I wish at that moment the time could freeze and let me to have more fun with all these bunk mates as I got a feeling that we will be separated soon. Actually, I had dreamt before the situation that happened. Some part of it I am very sure that I had dreamt it before I enter BMT. I so wish that my 6th sense won’t be so accurate, tonight we had been separated. To know a person need to take time and even this 2 days we don’t know each other much but I already label them as my 1st bunk mates. Thanks to all of them for keeping me accompany so I won’t lonely at all for the past 2 days. Thanks a lot manz… You guys ROX!!! Tonight new bunk mate will moved in; while I stay in the same bunk same. Even it was the same bunk but all will be new faces to me. Even though I moved from bed 10 to bed 8 but I still feel very sad and short of something. But I remember wat meng seng said, treat the new bunk mate nice. So I can only fulfill that for the whole bunk. Don’t know all this bunk mate wull be like the previous bunk mate so fun loving mah…

1st day of NS enlistment

Today is the 1st day of enlistment; both my parents together with my elder sister, brother-in-law and my niece Nicole accompany me to go in. At first, I was very nervous as I do not know what I should do. Till around night time being place into a bunk then I feel that I was quite lucky to know one of them throughout today. The person named Jie lun. Due to his name is the same as I idol jay zhou jie lun therefore I can easily remember his name. This bunk is quite fun even though it the first day we know each other but we can talk a lot. I so not wish to leave this bunk but I was left with no choice as the sergeant say that maybe some of us will change platoon or bunk tomorrow.

I was very worried about it but there is nothing I can do. The only thing that I can do is to spend every minutes and seconds with all these fun loving bunk mates as I might not be able to see them tomorrow onwards. After all, I still have a lot things don’t know. Hope that I can learn more when the days past and I can slim down quickly.

memory tat wont fade away...

It have been 2 mths and 11 days passed ever since i graduated from Republic Polytechnic... somehow or rather... i realize that i have been missing those lesson i used to hate... like embedded system by MR. Lee Kien Lip... I remember i do not have any interest in the embedded systems but were being force to take the module... to me MR. Lee seem to be alwayz picking on me... i even one time show him attitude as what he sae make me feel like smacking his face... but of coz i wont do tat as it nt worth of smacking him... so i show him attitude... if nt my friend ask me to calm down and think of my grade i think i will juz walked off from the class... i guess i'm not missing the content of the lesson itself but is the process of working out the solution with my teammate and classmate...

i still remember at the back of the lesson... i was being team with arif, kuma, saiful, andrea, kah hoe and edric... even though we alwayz crack alot of jokes in between solving the problem but when we get serious we can be very "serious" =P i missed ALL the problem statement... missed ALL the presentation... most importantly... missed ALL my fellow classmates and schoolmates... ALL my 6 semester classmates... & Interest Group schoolmates as well as Cyriva Club mangement committe... i missed ALL of you... thanks for giving me such a wonderful 3 yrs in Republic Polytechnic... even though we went though happiness and sorrow together... all these are memory tat wont fade away... i'll keep them deep inside my heart... once again THANKS...

NS coming...

Haiz.. im going to national service soon... when the letter havent come... i keep thinking when will it come... at first was really looking forwards for NS... as i have been slacking at home after i graduated... so hope that can really do some work quickly... however, when the date is getting near... i feel rather nervous and begin to worry for NS... it totally a different feeling before i got the letter... is this normal??? or am i juz thinking too much... anyway... mayb it a good timing for me to go NS... as first of all i can slim down from there... hehex... another thing is that i do not have much to worry due to the fact that i do not have any girlfriend at the moment... which means that no need to worry about time management.... hopefully tis time ard i can really slim down when i go inside... haha... have been waited to slim down for yrs... got slim down once... but nw grown back fat again... :P so hope tt tis is a gd chance for me to slim back down again... haha...

其实还非常想念他。。。

已经过了九年。。。 时间过得很快。。。 一眨眼就过了九年。。。 想不到富育走了九年了。。。 曾经以为我可以真的不再去想他。。。 可是原来我不能。。。 可能是因为我和他是好朋友的关系。。。 他的死真的令我很震惊。。。 到现在我还是选择逃避。。。 我想接受这是个事实。。。 不敢面对自己的悔过。。。 宁愿逃避， 虽然我不知道他自杀的原因。。。 可是听说是家里的事造成的。。。 也听说可能是为情自杀， 我也不知哪个真哪个假。。。 如果是这样的话，我就是一个很不好的朋友。。。 最好的朋友有麻烦我也不知道。。。 还跟他吵了一架。。。 在他死的前两天， 因为一只钢笔吵了一架。。。 说真的， 要不是他我也不会体验到我是多么的自私。。。 也不会知道原来他在我心目中的地位是多么的重要。。。 比我喜欢的女孩子还重要。。。 甚至我曾想过要以我的命换他的。。。 我总觉得我欠他的太多了。。。 从二年级到六年级虽然只是短短四年或才三年多。。。可是他教会了我许多东西。。。 我非常的想念他。。。

想通了。。。

我常跟朋友说。。。 世界上有两种人。。。 一种是开心过日子的人，另一种是不开心的人。。。 竟然开心要过日子， 不开心也要过日子。。。 倒不如选择开心的过。。。 人可以做选择竟然有的选择就对自己好一点嘛。。。 对不对？ 可是人总爱自欺欺人。。。 明明不开心也要逼自己开心。。。明明还爱着那个让他或她难过的人可是硬逼自己不爱。。。 或许那就是因为心灰意冷的关系才决定逼自己忘记所爱的人。。。 之前我说过要开始新的生活， 但我到最近才发现其实我是在自欺欺人。。。 因为我无时无刻还在想着她。。。 想着她对我的好与坏，可以说我是自作多情。。。

因为从头到尾只有我一个人在演这一场独角戏， 她从来也没说她喜欢我， 但她也应该没想到我会喜欢她八年。。。也许她嫌我胖也或者嫌我不英俊。。。我也曾想过要报复也知道没有意义去报复。。。 我也不知道为何会有这种想法。。。 也许是要她知道失去我她会感到痛苦吧。。

不过经过多日冷静的思考我觉得我是真的傻的没人理是我活该。。。 因为我真的忽略了很多事物。。。 例如：我的朋友们，我的家人。。。 他们一直都很疼爱我。。。 无论发生什么事都支持我。。。 我真得很感谢这些日子一直支持我的朋友。。。 谢谢。。 我终于想通了。。。 虽然说心里还在痛可是我相信有一天我能恢复元的。。。所以这些现在应经不重要了。。。最重要的是活得更精彩。。。 让她知道没有她我一样能活得充实和开心。。。

最近我看了一部偶像剧。。。 剧里有一个人物说了一句话把我给打动了。。。戏里这个人物很勇敢的尝试。。。 虽然知道可能会失败可是她也没放弃追逐自己的幸福。。。 我觉得她说得很对。。。 只要笑一笑，没什么事请过不了的。。。 她剧中那么开朗的角色真的感动了我。。。于是我决定开始我新的生活。。。

决定开始新的生活。。。

最近发生了很多事情。。。 我也曾不开心了一段日子。。。 幸好有我的好朋友， 家豪 和 金龙。。。 好干姐姐， 婉伶 和干弟弟， sky。。。他们在这一段日子帮了我不少忙。。。 很感激他们。。当我最不开心的时候是他们把我扶起来。。。 他们的陪伴让我感到不孤单。。。 于是我决定要开始新的生活。。。 sky 说的没错。。 我等了这个人已经有八年了。。。 我也不知道自己还能撑多久。。。 长痛不如短痛。。。于是我决定放弃开始我的新生活。。。

误会解开了。。。 可是我更不快乐。。。

昨天我和朋友有度假屋。。。 原本以为只有我们这几个。。。但是没料到我会再一次的碰到他。。。 他曾经是我的一位很要很要好的朋友。。。 对我来说他就好像是我的哥哥。。。 我也非常珍惜这份友情。。。 可是在去年的某一天， 他突然对我很冷淡。。。 我一直不知道原因。。。他毕业后就到我们的学校工作。。。 我碰到他时有跟他笑可是他却好像装出一幅不认识我的样子。。。 但是我的心就好像一万个刀子插在上面。。。

但他到了度假屋。。。 我还装出一幅没看到他的样子。。。 不知道该如何反应。。。我一直不敢跟他说话也不敢看他。。。 我很怕看到他时眼眶会红红。。。 因为我真的不知道他这样对我的原因， 我也很想知道可是又不敢问。。。 我很矛盾。。。 直到他要回家时才告诉我原因。。。 他说当时他给我劝告我没听。。。 所以他要我一个人去体验。。。 从体验中学习。。。 可是他可知道我因为他心痛过。。。 因为他在我的学校是我最好最好的朋友。。。 可是他现在跟我这样说我的心更痛。。。 比当时还更痛上一百倍。。。 我是不要让他知道我再说什么所以才打中文因为他的中文不是很好。。。

心情烦躁。。。

这几天， 我的心情很差。。 不知道原因所在， 整个人心情就是很烦躁。。。 照道理说新的一年心情会好一点， 并不如此。。。如果说是因为家里的事烦躁， 这个是不可能的是因为我家里也没发生不好的事情。。 如果说因为我妈妈跌倒的事， 有一些可能性。。。 可能是我担心的太多。。。可是我心里一直有一种很不好的预感。。。 不知道会有什么大事会发生似的。。。 希望这一次我的预感不准。。。 生为天蝎座的我从小到大第六感的预感最准。。。 连我自己有时候也很讨厌我自己。。。 不管你们信不信。。

另外一半的心情烦躁可能是因为某人。。。 这位某人我已经喜欢了快八年了。。。 可是我一直没有展开追求。。。 我是担心她对我没意思可是我遍遍又很明显的展现我对她的爱意。。。 我已经做得很明显可是她不为所动。。。 连她身边的朋友都看得出我对她的心意。。。 不要告诉我她真的一点都没感觉到还是她在逃避？如果是逃避，她是为了什么而逃避？我真的猜不透她心里是在想什么 。。。 我是真得很爱她可是我也看得出她对我一点感觉也没有。。。我是真得很想告诉她我有多么的爱她， 可是又怕她会觉得我很做作。。。有时候会被她弄得笑开了嘴， 可是有时又会被她弄得很想大哭。。。 我想今年的情人节是我喜欢她这八年最开心的一个。。。 那是因为我今年收到了一份最甜蜜的情人节礼物。。。 那也不算什么情人节礼物。。。 因为我跟她根本就不是情人。。。哪算情人节礼物。。。 哈哈。。。 我想认识我的朋友应该都知道那某人是谁。。。

在我第一次对她示爱失败后，她曾对我说去找另一个比她好的女生。。。 我也曾听她的话式着找。。 也曾经对一些女生有好感。。。 可是我总觉得我只是把她们当作那某人的替代品。。。 我不想酿成悲剧而且那些好感很快就不见了。。。 不是我所想要得。。。 我想我只对她有感觉吧！由于我和她都是天蝎座我们很合得来。。。 起初我和她有一些争执， 我们是在同班和同一个课外活动认识的。。。 我们那时候是担任图书管理员。。。 因为工作量而有了争执。。。 我们每次在图书馆里斗嘴。。。 直到有一次我身体不适而她又有另一个课外活动于是那天图书馆必须关闭。。。 可是老师又不在。。。 我们两人只能等到老是来了才能走。。。 于是我们坐在图书馆外聊天。。。 聊了有大概一个钟。。。 由于我身体不适的缘故她不愿把我一个人在图书馆外等。。那时我们真的聊了很多。。。 有聊到我死去的好朋友富育。。。 也有聊到她的奶奶的事情。。。 我都希望那时候的时间能停止。。。 我想我是从那时候对她产生了好感。。。 不久之后就喜欢上她了。。。

我真的猜不透她的心。。。 平时朋友有爱情问题他们都来找我。。。 可是现在我自己的问题却不能解决。。。 咳。。。 觉得很烦也很累不知道我能坚持多久。。。 我觉得我很矛盾。。。 想要给她知道我喜欢她。。。 可是我又不想那么快告诉她。。。但又毕竟喜欢八年了说长不长说短不短。。。 我也不知道我要什么。。。 烦烦烦。。。 不要问我为什么会突然打华文字。。。 也许我不想有一天她找到我的博客读得懂吧。。。 哈哈。。。 等我想通了再写。。。

Laptop Crush...

Today I was being infrom by school IT helpdesk that my laptop might be the harddisk problem. As yesterday I was listening to song halfway though my laptop suddenly hang at the screen. So I try to end the task by using the task manager however when I click on task manger to become worst... I left with no much choice but to force it to shut down by pressing the power on off... When I switch it on again, I realize that it keep restarting itself and I know something was not right I tried all method of starting the system but it just won't work... I have to send it to the IT helpdesk to see what wrong with it... however, it was 5.30pm already... the Helpdesk closed at 6pm if they really want to help me to do... they need to work overtime and I also paiseh... I have to left it to the next day... which is today... and because of this I have no laptop for one whole day moreover, the lesson today is very dry... even though I tried to stay focus but cant... I already expect to get a C from edmund today...

Anyway, I know that I had tried to help my teammates to find research and I also must agree to the fact that I was disappoint by my own performance today... Haiz... worry for this semseter...